A Letter to My Oldest Daughter

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It was an afternoon in February, 13 years ago and I had just taken a pregnancy test.  Your Dad and I knew we were ready to be parents, but we didn’t realize just how fast our dreams would become a reality.  As he walked through the door that evening, from work, I remember looking up and saying, “You’re going to be a Daddy.”  He stopped, smiled and literally jumped up and down.  I’m not sure I’d ever seen him that happy.  I’m not sure I had ever been that happy myself.

I was never really nervous about becoming a Mom.  I knew that I loved you as soon as I heard your first heartbeat, maybe even before that.  I knew that you were going to be smart, beautiful and the perfect combination of your Dad and I. I knew I was going to do everything in my power to give you the best life.  I was going to teach you to be kind, loving and brave. What I didn’t know was that you would be the one to change my life.

Your Arrival

When you finally arrived, I thought my heart would explode.  You were more perfect than I could have imagined.  You had this amazing thick black hair and big bright eyes.  You held my finger and looked at me and I thought I would melt.  I wanted to protect you. I wanted to hold you and sing to you and make you laugh. I wanted to show you off to the world.  You were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.

As you got older, you started developing your own personality.  You could make us laugh so easily, without even trying.  You were always sweet and kind, helping when you were able to.  When you became a big sister, you handled it so well.  I would catch a glimpse of you staring at your baby sister every once and a while.  You suddenly went from our baby to a little girl that loved to play “Mom” to her baby sister. You would try to change her diaper or feed her.  You were her protector almost instantly.  You wanted to hold her and sing to her and make her laugh.  You wanted to show her off to the world.  It was the most special relationship I had ever seen.

When we decided to move from the city you grew up in, you transitioned so flawlessly.  You made new friends right away and found a love of dance.   The day you graduated from pre-school I realized that my baby was growing up.   The older you got, the more involved you became.  You decided to join the Girl Scouts and experienced so many new and exciting adventures.  Not long after you turned 7, your youngest sister was born.  Each time I turned around, you were reading to her, teaching her or keeping her occupied.  You shared your toys, fed her and helped her with her baths.  You took on more than anyone expected you to, because you wanted to, not because you were asked to.

And suddenly, in the blink of an eye, you were starting middle school. It was almost as though overnight, you were almost the same height as me, wearing my shoes and asking to borrow my lip gloss. You started waking up early to do your hair, wanted to pick out your own clothing and make your own breakfast.   You started experiencing new things and although you were almost always happy, there were a couple of times that I saw you break down.  I wanted to protect you. I wanted to hold you and sing to you and make you laugh. You were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen and I wanted you to see what I saw in you.

Now, A Young Lady

Now here you are, a young lady, almost a teenager.  You catch me staring at you sometimes.  I’m just in awe of how stunning you are.  Not just your appearance, but your heart.  You tell me everything and ask me all of your questions, no matter how awkward my answers may be.  You don’t let people treat you badly. You stand up for yourself and for others.  You work hard to achieve goals you’ve set for yourself and you never give up. I love watching you reach for the highest star and effortlessly surpassing it.

I am incredibly proud of you.  More than I could ever say.  I will always be here for you, no matter what.  I am here to listen. I’m here to protect you. I’m here to hold you and sing to you and make you laugh.  You are the most extraordinary girl and you are so loved.  Thank you for choosing me as your Mama.  It’s a gift I’ll always cherish.  I love you.

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