Accepting Where I Went Wrong as a Mom

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Almost 12 years ago, I traded in my halter tops and high heels for yoga pants and nursing bras.  I gained over 70 lbs during my first pregnancy because I thought you were supposed to eat every single thing your body craved, even if that was Coca-Cola and ice cream. I figured that once the baby popped out, the weight would just fall right off.  Obviously I thought I was having a 70lb baby.  When I became a Mom, I traded my hot bod for this new “mom bod” and the more I tried to diet and exercise, the more I would fail.  So… I gave up.  Taking care of myself became last on my to-do list.

Like most Moms, my days are hectic.  I work from home, run around picking up and dropping off my kids, clean, cook, go grocery shopping, do laundry…   Most days, I wake up early and go to bed late. I try to pack as much as I can into each day and without fail, something always comes up to derail my plans.  I make lists that are almost never completed. I set a million alarms on my phone to remember to do things and then hit the stop because I can’t hear the person on the other end of the phone with the alarm going off in my ear.  I wind up missing whatever it is I was supposed to remember to do because by the time I get off of the phone and get juice for one of the kids and sign a paper for another, I’ve forgotten about that alarm completely.  A Mom’s day is really non-stop.  I know mine is. I see so many Moms who are always looking magazine cover ready, taking pictures of their three course home cooked meals, beautifully decorated homes and multiple DIY projects and wonder how in the world they have time for all of that.  Let’s be honest, I’m lucky if I have the time to shave my legs.

I didn’t realize it, but once I became a Mom, I became a totally different version of myself.  I went from getting my hair dyed and cut every month to this awful, self-cut, 15 shade hair which was courtesy of supermarket boxes of bleach and dye and my inability to apply it evenly. My gray hairs started coming in faster than I could control and my go-to hair style quickly became the “mom bun”.  I went from doing my makeup every morning to walking out of the house without any on and never batting an unmascara-ed eyelash at how I looked or how others perceived me.  My go-to clothes became tees and yoga pants, because they were easy, baggy, comfy and honestly, the only thing that fit me.  I refused to buy myself new clothes because obviously my next diet idea was going to help me to get back down to a size 4 and all of those big clothes would have been a waste of money.  I went from caring about the type of designer bag I was carrying, to worrying more about the bags under my eyes, yet still not bothering to do anything about them.  I went from maintaining my weight to waiting for the next diet craze.

When I became a Mom, everything became about my kids.  I needed them to have all of the things that I didn’t have growing up so I bought them as much as I could afford (and sometimes even more than that).  I made sure they could do the activities they loved, even if that meant I had to work more and sleep much less.  I spent all of my extra time trying to provide things for them that they probably could have lived without.  And with that, I neglected to take care of myself, which should have been at the top of the list.  I gained even more weight and become incredibly unhealthy.  If I’m not here, how can I take care of them?  I became so focused on them, I forgot about me.

While my girls are constantly taking selfies, I want nothing to do with pictures, unless I am behind the camera. I find flaws in any picture that is taken of me, whether it’s my hair, my makeup, my smile or my body.  It has gotten to a point where I literally refused to allow anyone to take a picture of me and if by some miracle they could convince me to do so, I would go through them and analyze it and come up with at least 10 reasons why no one could ever see them. If it didn’t have a snapchat filter that made me magically beautiful with big eyes, a thinner face and smooth skin, it wasn’t getting posted anywhere.  It wasn’t until a year or so ago when we were going through family pictures that I realized that I’m not in any of them.  I had basically erased myself from our family albums.

Raising three girls means I’m a role model for three future women. What I do and how I act matters because they are going to think this is the norm.  While I’ve always been so careful in teaching them to love others, to be kind, to have strong values, I’ve also been neglecting to teach them something far more important.  I forgot to teach them that they need to take care of themselves, always.  I forgot to show them that you should love yourself and make sure you always feel and look your best.  I teach them about confidence while I portray my lack of it.  I teach them about style and fashion while I walk around in the same clothing I’ve owned for the last ten years.  I teach them about eating healthy while I sit on the couch at night and eat ice cream and cookies.  All this time, I’ve been teaching them what a hypocrite I am and I didn’t even realize it.

Today the hypocrisy stops.  I need to change the way I eat and start exercising, even if I have to wake up 15 minutes earlier each day to fit it in.  I am going to put on makeup before I leave the house, even if I’m just driving to the bus stop down the street.  I am going to take time out, once a month, to pamper myself with a haircut and maybe even a mani and pedi.  I am going to change the way I dress and buy myself clothing that is not only comfortable, but stylish.  I am going to be in more family photos, without the filters.   I am going to be the woman that I want them to grow up to be…  Strong, confident, fearless and someone that others look up to.  I am going to be proud of who I am, not just as a Mom, but as a person.

How has being a Mom changed you?

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Hello There!

I'm so honored that you've found us! I'm Heather, a Mom of 3 who blogs about parenting, food, occasional travel and how I overcame my daily struggle with anxiety. I miss sleeping and rely on coffee and laughter to get me through the day. I hope you enjoy and visit often!

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  1. Accepting the wrongs is a huge step. It requires courage to do that. I really enjoyed reading this!

    Love,
    Claudia
    https://thatsmeonline.net

  2. I used to work out constantly, wear heels, dresses, and matching jewelry. Then I had my girls. Back to back. And we lived in a state where it was constantly cold… and now I rarely leave the house so it’s hair in a mess, cotton shorts, tank tops, and can’t remember last time I did my make up… I want too, but I work at home… so there’s no “real” reason to get motivated?? LOL!!

  3. I’ve learned the importance of taking care of myself as a mom. Sometimes you need to be a little selfish. For me, personally, if I am overwhelmed I tend to check out and isolate myself, which effects my husband and kids. So I force myself to do things for ME so I can regroup and not get to that point.

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  4. Being a mom is the most challenging, craziest and rewarding job. I relate to much of this! I have 2 boys and a girl.

  5. There’s always this that makes a blog sticky – honesty. This is bound to inspire lot of folks! Thank you for sharing.

  6. Being mother is a gift came from God! and family is a treasure that no one can beat up! I know being mother is not an easy duty but later the reward was there Lucky you Mam!

  7. Mom is not a choice! It’s a give came from
    God! I know being mother is not a easy but later the reward was there! Your blessed!

  8. Being a mom seems like one of the most challenging but rewarding things. I’m sure your kids are so happy to have you as a role model!

  9. I can sooo relate to your story, especially about not taking pictures or hiding behind the camera. It’s so depressing that my pre-pregnancy clothes don’t fit. I’m still in that cycle of dieting and giving up and dieting again. Thank you for sharing your story and giving us the encouragement to do something for ourselves.

  10. I gonna said wow! I only have one child and many times I feel the same way. I’m was able to loose my pregnancy weight but my body completely changes. Some times I didn’t. Want to get dress either. And I’m 33 and maybe entering a mid-life something ha ha. I got to fight for me, for a better me, a healthier me. A happier me. Many weeks I don’t know how I or other moms do it. I’m a work at home mom for many years now. And I’m my daughter care taker 24/7 and I love her but I need to show her how to take care of her without hiding behind a fake mask. I started to change my whole week, the way I wake up, the way I see my self in the mirror. And I begin with me. Then she started to imitate the best of me. There are still days… but they are only a few. You are very brave and special even more captivating than you think. I hope you get to know the new you this year. GRacias thank you for sharing.

  11. I am amazed at how little credit we give ourselves… you give yourself… you don’t even bat an eye at starting a new business but getting our a**ses to the gym or actually getting “really” dressed … wow that’s a mission. Thank you for writing this. My surgery was part 1 of 50 of all I need to do for my myself and I relate exactly to your writing! Thank you. Love you and I’m proud of you all.of you ! You’re a bada** mom and I look up to.you.

    Now trying to do this health looking smaller and being healthier… I thank god for this option and this opportunity … working my butt off. Not only to pay for my healthy life but trying to fit in all the exercise…love you

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      Love you too! I’m so incredibly proud of you and all you’ve accomplished. And you look GREAT already!

  12. So….you just wrote the story of my life!!! Lol. Now, I’m a bit older than most shop/rep mama’s out there and no lie – my first time around was easy peasy. My girls are 23 and almost 19 and with having them so young the weight did fall off; I was able to do everything “picture perfect”. Fast forward 14 years after the birth of my 19yo and there I was pregnant at 37. Unfortunately we lost our baby at 22.5 weeks and depression set in and I gained it more weight. I lost most of the weight, not all. A little over a year later I was pregnant with Ethan and gained almost 80lbs with him. While I’ve been able to lose a lot of the weight I could still stand to loose 20-30 more lbs. Now at 42 I keep finding myself putting so many things ahead of myself making sacrifices and empty promises to get healthier and lose weight. It’s the same cycle over and over. The only good thing is that I am more in tune with my inner self but need a support group to help with my outer self. If you decide to start one let me know!!!!

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      Thanks so much for reading Tracy! I’m not much younger than you are 🙂 It’s so hard to do it alone. I would love to form some sort of local support group where we could all motivate each other, but it seems like everyone is always so busy or we have conflicting schedules.