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Dear Fat Girl

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Dear Fat Girl,

I see you.  You are trying not to be seen.  You have on your old, baggy clothing and very little makeup. You don’t want to attract attention to yourself, even though you know that people are looking.

You feel trapped.  You know who you used to be.  You were a size 2, dressing so that everyone noticed your body and now, you are dressing so that people don’t notice your body. Nothing can hide it. It’s too big to hide.

You are sad.  You want to be who you used to be, or at least what you used to look like to others.  Your personality has changed because you just don’t want people to think what a shame it is that you have such a great personality and a beautiful face, when you are 100 lbs overweight.

You’d rather stay home. No one will judge you in your own house.  You can wear whatever you want, even nothing and not have to worry about strangers eyes and thoughts about how you’ve let yourself go.

You are tired. You’ve never been this tired, both physically and emotionally.  You want things to change, but you feel helpless, so you give into the idea that they never will.

You try.  Maybe not your hardest, but you do try to lose weight.  You eat better, you exercise, you seek a doctor’s help.  Nothing works because you don’t give it enough time.  If you don’t see results in a month or two, you claim defeat and go back to your old ways.

You are disgusted.  You see yourself in the mirror and you do everything you can to hold back the tears. When did  you stop caring about yourself and your appearance? When did you get THIS big?

You are uncomfortable.  Nothing fits you properly, it’s either too tight or too baggy.  You try to squeeze it all into the pants you wore last summer but you know that was 40 pounds ago.  You don’t invest in new clothes because you don’t want to admit to anyone, especially yourself, that you’re this big and might possibly get bigger. You’ll buy new clothes after you lose the weight.

You can’t.  You read other people’s stories about how you should embrace your body but the thought of that is ridiculous to you.  You don’t want to embrace it, you want to rid yourself of it. You can’t imagine anyone feeling this good about something that makes you feel this badly.

You are full of excuses.  There are a million reasons why you can’t. Something is always standing in your way.  The universe doesn’t want you to feel or look better or you would have by now.  It’s not your fault, it’s the fault of all of those things that are out of your control.

Your smile is a lie.  You want people to think that you’re happy, but the truth is, all happiness is always overshadowed by your longing to feel good about yourself and your body.

You are broken. There is a part of you that longs to be just like those beautiful, toned girls and you think that until you look like them, you won’t feel whole again.

But Dear Fat Girl,

I see you.  You are beautiful. You have a heart that is like no one else.  You love and protect and do everything in your power to make sure your children have a good life. And they see you as the woman they want to be, strong, determined and a kick ass business woman. Yes you’ve gained weight over the years but you’ve also carried and gave birth to three incredible, beautiful and healthy daughters.  Every stretch mark is a reminder of those three miracles.

You feel trapped.  But guess what?  There’s always a way out.  That door never had a lock on it, you just need to find it and run through it.  Run as fast as you can and never look back.  You get to choose which path you take, so take the one that makes you happy.

You are sad.  Guess what?! We all get sad sometimes.  It’s ok.  So be sad, cry your eyes out and then remember all of the things in your life that are worth smiling about.  Enjoy those things. Be grateful for those things. Don’t ever take them for granted. They are the things that will get you past all of your sad moments.

You’d rather stay home. You have a beautiful home, in a beautiful neighborhood. A home you work your butt off for, so that your family would be comfortable and your kids could go to a good school.  There’s nothing wrong with staying home, as long as you take every opportunity to get out there and enjoy life.  Take as many vacations as your time and budget allow.  Go to every award ceremony that your kids are being honored in.  Go get coffee with a friend, share secrets and laugh. And when the day is done, head back to your home, hug and kiss your family and enjoy a good nights rest because tomorrow, you’re going to do it all over again.

You are tired. You’re a Mom.  You are supposed to be tired.  You are working your hardest so that your kids grow up remembering what an incredible childhood they had.  You’ll rest when you retire and the kids are all grown up.

You try.  You’ve never really given up.  You’ve always had the desire and drive to get healthy and you’ll stop at nothing to achieve that goal.  You just haven’t found the right way to do it.  So don’t give up. Keep trying. You’ll be glad you did.

You are disgusted.  What is it you’re looking at when you look in the mirror?  Are you seeing what others see or are you seeing what you have allowed yourself to become?  If you don’t like what you see, change it.  Get your hair done.  Put on a little more makeup.  Buy a couple of pieces of clothing that make you feel beautiful and accentuate your shape.

You are uncomfortable.  If you were sitting on a thumbtack, would you just sit there and allow it to poke you? No, you’d get up and move it.  So get up. You’ve been sitting on that thumbtack long enough. Find the one area that bothers you the most and work on that.  One area at a time.  You’ll feel so much less overwhelmed and you’ll see a difference in your appearance and how you feel.

You can’t.  You can.  You choose not to.  And if you don’t want to embrace this larger frame than embrace the changes that you’re making to get back to where you want to be.  You can. You will.

You are full of excuses.  You filled your own head with these excuses, so stop making them.  It’s that simple.  You didn’t eat that box of cookies because someone brought it into your home.  You ate it because you chose to.  Accept the truth.  Fill yourself up with healthy food and leave just enough room for one cookie.  There will probably come a time where you’ll turn it away, but until then, indulge, as long as it’s in moderation.

Your smile is a lie.  Your smile is hope.  It’s hope that deep down, though you may feel sad, you can feel happiness.  You know that when you stop getting in your own head about your weight that you do actually feel happiness more than you feel sadness.  Don’t push those feelings down.  Embrace them.  Know that there are so many reasons to be happy.  You are alive. You have a beautiful family. You have guardian angels that want you to live your happiest life.  But don’t do it for them. Do it for yourself and smile as often as you can.

You are broken. You may feel that way, but you are whole.  You are made up of everything that you are.  Part Mom, part wife, part boss lady, part friend.  Believe it or not, you inspire others.  People look up to you.  You may have some cracks in the surface, but they aren’t noticeable.  They are part of who you are and what has made you who you are.  Embrace those cracks.  Love those cracks.  Make new cracks.  As long as your foundation is strong, you will never be broken.

I know you… better than anyone else knows you.  I am you.  I feel everything and see everything through your eyes but behind it all, I see a fighter.  I see someone who wants to look and feel better and is willing to try any and everything to get there, you just aren’t patient enough.   You put everyone else above yourself.  You don’t take the time to take care of your body, your mind and your appearance.  You deserve to be happy… whether it’s at 100 lbs or 300 lbs.  You deserve to feel good enough and know that at any weight, you are.

You aren’t alone.  I am in the back of your mind cheering you on, just as your family and friends are (even the ones that have left this life).  They all just want you to be happy and healthy and secure in who you are.  You’ve got this.  You can do anything you put your mind to.  You are beautiful. You are kind. You are fierce.  Most of all, you are a warrior, at any size.   Now go out there and kick some ass.

Love, Fat Girl

dear fat girl, obesity, dealing with obesity, body issues, mommy blog, mom blogger, family blog, family influencer, instagram, mother, father, tween blog, dad blog, United States, 2018, mom blog, top, best, mommy blogger, daddy blog, tween blogger, child brand influencer, the super mom life, dad blog, dad blogger

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XOXO
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72 Comments
  • Agentszerozerosetter
    June 2, 2018

    Loved to read this post! It’s so difficult to be confortable in our skin sometimes, but the key word is “you can”! We can do everything!

  • Charli Bruce
    June 2, 2018

    This was really well written. I think we all get caught up in our weight at some point, now that I’m older I don’t feel as disgusted or as anxious about how I look x

  • Terri Beavers
    June 1, 2018

    It’s so easy to fall into the hobbit of excuses in anything we do. Being overweight is no exception. I loved this post as I’m trying to lose some weight for health reasons. I never knew 15 pounds could be so hard to lose.

  • David Elliott
    May 31, 2018

    This is such a beautiful and life affirming post. We have such negative talk we give to ourselves all the time. And honestly we can do so much better. And we should do so much better when it comes to how we view ourselves. Some great things to think about.

  • Nichole Arnold
    May 31, 2018

    This is just what I needed to see today. I had lost about 15lbs, was feeling great, wearing smaller sizes..then fell off the wagon and gained back like 12..big baggy tshirt again. I needed some motivation, thank you!

  • Echo
    May 31, 2018

    Heather, I love this post soooooo much! I needed this post today and have wrote a similar post in the past called “I am the fat mom”. https://themadmommy.com/the-FAT-mom

    I think being open, honest and relatable is the best part of ourselves that we can offer!

  • Ada
    May 31, 2018

    This is seriously such a great post. Being confident in your skin is so hard but this is definitely so inspirational.

  • Sara Welch
    May 31, 2018

    This is such an honest and amazing post. I know too many who relate to this.

  • Ashlee
    May 30, 2018

    This is beautiful and so inspirational. It can be hard not to get caught up in comparing yourself to others and feeling like you’re not ‘enough.’

  • Sarah
    May 30, 2018

    The line “You read other people’s stories about how you should embrace your body but the thought of that is ridiculous to you,” really got to me. I so relate to all of it but especially that one. Thanks for the reach out to us – unfortunately too many people know what this feels like.

  • Peachy @ The Peach Kitchen
    May 30, 2018

    This is such a lovely letter! It’s full of love –inspiring and motivating. I loved reading it.

  • Dana Peller
    May 30, 2018

    Loving the honesty in this post. It’s quite hard-breaking to see moms who shut themselves out when they deserve to love themselves and be loved.

  • Sondra Barker
    May 30, 2018

    Beautifully written and a great message. thank you for sharing body positivity and inspiring me

  • mj
    May 30, 2018

    It’s too easy to think bad of ourselves. Giving permission to be positive and feel positive is way harder than it should be. I see you and I am you.

  • Rachel
    May 30, 2018

    Thanks you. It is nice to be seen. It is nice to be understood. Whether the feelings make sense to others, doesn’t mean they aren’t real.

  • Alison Rost
    May 30, 2018

    That is beautifully written and I hope a lot of women will have the chance to read this and feel empowered. It’s not our weight but how we are as a person that shines through, we have to start loving ourselves more.

  • Kathy
    May 30, 2018

    What a wonderful post. I think everyone should read this. I really loved it. I know not everyone is happy with the way they look, but everyone should be.

  • Evelyn, PathofPresence
    May 30, 2018

    Behind every fat girl, or any skinny girl, for that matter, is a magnificent soul unfolding to its highest and best good. Thank you for sharing this transparent and empowering post. May we all harness the light that is us and the soul that we have come to be.

  • Angela Giles
    May 30, 2018

    This was so inspiring to me. I struggle with my weight and it made me cry.

  • Rahul
    May 30, 2018

    This was so inspirational. I have a few extra pounds I need to lose. Thank you for the encouragement and understanding. I’m not alone.

  • Trina
    May 29, 2018

    This was an emotional post for me, I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.

  • Patty Leemhuis
    May 29, 2018

    As someone who has struggled with weight issues my entire life, I found your post to be sad and inspiring at the same time. Thanks for the kind words that so many of us can relate to. I love your message! xo

  • Ashley
    May 29, 2018

    Great read. I feel so discouraged somedays, especially when I have to shop.

  • Jeanette
    May 29, 2018

    This is a beautiful post! I think this helps people feel much less alone with their struggles. It is taken me a year and a half of going to the gym every other day of the week to finally see some results. All we can do is our very best and sometimes we need that reminder.

  • Julie
    May 29, 2018

    I love reading your blog!

  • Ziaul Hasan
    May 29, 2018

    Very informative post…god writing and beautiful images…thanks

  • valmg @ Mom Knows It All
    May 28, 2018

    I was once 374 pounds. I did not like myself and some of those things applied (and some didn’t). I lost 200 pounds and felt great and learned to like myself. I’ve gained some back now, I am not happy with my weight but still like myself.

    • The Super Mom Life
      May 28, 2018

      You are an inspiration! You should be very proud of your accomplishments. Thank you for sharing!

  • Bonnie G
    May 28, 2018

    This is a really nice post and sounds just like me. I wish I felt like more the second half of the post that is positive.

  • Aria Autumn
    May 28, 2018

    The poem had a nice message but was this in anyway inspired by “Dear Straight People” by Denise Frohman? The first part sounds very similar to her “Dear Queer Girl” portion of the poem.

    • The Super Mom Life
      May 28, 2018

      Thank you for reading. I’ve never heard of Denise Frohman or read Dear Straight People. This was written by me, inspired by my struggle with my weight.

  • LavandaMichelle
    May 28, 2018

    What an eye-opening post! My weight greatly impacted my “self-confidence” back in the day. I’ve lost some weight from healthy eating and I had to realize that weight doesn’t matter as long as you are healthy. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  • Reesa Lewandowski
    May 28, 2018

    I swear this was written for me. I feel like this weight I carry around defines me and I hate it.

  • Sondra Barker
    May 28, 2018

    Aw I love this. This was so beautifully written and very inspiring as well! We’re all beautiful inside and out 🙂
    xo, Sondra
    Cuisineandtravel.com

  • Meagan Badore
    May 27, 2018

    This is a beautiful and inspiring piece of writing. I am the girl at the top that is struggling with my weight and self image. I would rather stay indoors and not face other people.

  • Geneva
    May 27, 2018

    This was so inspirational. I have a few extra pounds I need to lose. But kids, work and life always seem to take priority. Thank you for the encouragement and understanding. I’m not alone. ❤️

  • Suzanne
    May 27, 2018

    No one is perfect. But so long as you’re doing your best every day, what more can a person do?

  • Meeta
    May 27, 2018

    I think this was the best post I have read this weekend! I see Dear Fat Girl as full of strong character and courage. Keep rocking!

  • What Corinne Did
    May 27, 2018

    Such an inspiring post. Fat shaming is so present in this society, it is so hard for people over weight to feel good about themselves. But you should never give up on who you are and if you’re not happy with it, then change it

  • Rosey
    May 26, 2018

    Good advice to fill up with healthy food first. If there’s no room for a lot of junk, it’s not even an issue.

  • Nina
    May 26, 2018

    I love how honest this post is. It both meets her where she is and also encourages her. Absolutely beautiful.

  • Jalisa Harris
    May 26, 2018

    This post is so encouraging. After giving birth to my son 4 years ago I gained a bunch of weight from PCOS. I’m starting to love my body again.

  • Angela Ricardo
    May 26, 2018

    Ever since welcoming pur son, I have been struggling with my fat in the belly area. This post really hit home and I am truly grateful for you sharing this to all of us. I meed to give myself a little slack but also motivate myself more to accomplish my goals.

  • Khushboo
    May 26, 2018

    Such a beautiful post. I am struggling with weight issues and this post really spoke to me. Keep up the good work 🙂

  • Khushboo
    May 26, 2018

    Such a beautiful post. I am struggling with wait issues and it really spoke to me. Keep up the good work 🙂

  • Wander With Ola
    May 25, 2018

    This is such a beautiful post and very encouraging. I love this part: “Don’t push those feelings down. Embrace them. Know that there are so many reasons to be happy.”

  • Desiree
    May 25, 2018

    This is such a motivational post! Thank you for sharing!

  • Heather
    May 25, 2018

    This is wonderful. And this is 100% me. I am not at all in a nice place with myself and it’s so sad to know it hinders how proud I should be of all my accomplishments. I’m a mom, a good mom, and a good wife. And unfortunately I just let my priorities of taking care of myself physically slide a bit. But it’s never too late to regain some control of where you want to be. Thank you for this post.

  • Vanessa Delia
    May 25, 2018

    So many women go through this and it is not fair to ourselves. We are beautiful no matter the shape or size. I love this.

  • Amy h
    May 25, 2018

    This post is an inspiration to some of us “fat girls” . I’ve been struggling with my weight, and my feelings…And not wanting to be seen.

  • Natalie
    May 25, 2018

    This is so beautiful! I like how you turned these insecurities into inspiring and motivational thoughts and mantras.

  • Jennifer L
    May 25, 2018

    What a beautiful letter of self love and acceptance and hope. Many of us feel this way and we shouldn’t. We can love ourselves and still improve ourselves.

  • tif
    May 25, 2018

    wow this read to me. I have been trying, not 100% but I want to be 100%. I just dont want to be that girl that gets a salad while everyoen else eats tacos. but i guess to not feel trapped I need to do that. thank you.

  • Tara Pittman
    May 25, 2018

    We have to love ourselves no matter what we look like. Then others can love us.

  • Stephanie Parrell
    May 25, 2018

    This is beautiful! Thank you for writing this, I think more people need to talk about these issues we all feel.

  • Nichole
    May 25, 2018

    I needed this read! I love how true it is. I wear clothes that are big and baggy and old because I cant stand to walk in the “fat girl” store to buy something new.

  • Ruth I.
    May 25, 2018

    In this cruel world where some people are shaming the fat, this is empowering. Thank you for this!

  • juhi vaghela
    May 25, 2018

    Huge applause. I am very happy to read this. Nice justification. Motivating. I am also have the same feelings sometimes. But now I will remember this and motivate my self.

  • Esther Irish
    May 25, 2018

    I love the saying, “Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides.” We can feel so bad about ourselves sometimes and feel alone, but we really are not alone.

  • Vyjay Rao
    May 25, 2018

    This is such a candid and motivational post. Yes, it is true, be what you are, you are accountable to none, forge ahead.

  • Marysa
    May 25, 2018

    Thanks for sharing your post and your thoughts. People can be so thoughtless, and we have to do what is best for us and not pay attention to the negativity sent our way.

  • Annick
    May 25, 2018

    This was so beautifully written. Thank you so much for your inspiring and encouraging words ❤️. I’ve battle with bulimia for a couple of years and it’s still a struggle at times so thank you for writing this post.

  • Adepoju Grace
    May 25, 2018

    This is so inspiring. I used to be fat too! Not anymore tho.

  • Erin
    May 25, 2018

    Very motivational message about changing your perspective to improve your life! Like many things in life, weight gain has a lot to do with choices and attitude. Even when there are medical conditions involved, a positive attitude still makes a bid difference.

  • GiGi Eats
    May 24, 2018

    I AM HERE CHEERING YOU ON TOO!!! No one ever said life was easy BUT IT CAN BE DEALT WITH!!!

  • Kate Andrews
    May 24, 2018

    This is really beautiful. I’m not what you would call “fat” but I am not a skinny girl and it’s definitely hard on my self confidence. I needed to read this.

  • Meg
    May 24, 2018

    Moms are often tired, but I think overall we ‘sacrifice’ ourselves in all aspects of life. It’s OK to do something for ourselves and JUST for ourselves. It’s not selfish, it’s self-preservation! lol

  • Marta Rivera Diaz
    May 24, 2018

    Dear Fat Girl,
    If they are cruel to you it’s a reflection of the pitiful life they live. Be strong for no one but yourself.
    Love,
    Marta

  • catherinelorene
    May 24, 2018

    This is very encouraging and motivating! Thank you for sharing!

  • Ashley @ Wishes & Dishes
    May 24, 2018

    This was so great to read and inspiring! Never giving up is a good message to give anyone who is feeling insecure in their own skin.

  • Phill Slater
    May 24, 2018

    A fantastically inspiring post.

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