I’m Not Broken, But I’m Definitely Glitching

Author: Heather
Category: Anxiety
Published Date: 07/08/2019
Comments: 71

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Every time I talk openly about my anxiety, I get the same response, from so many people.

You’re not broken.

They’re right. I’m not broken. It’s not that I can’t be fixed. It’s not that I can’t overcome my anxiety. It’s not that there is no hope and I should just be thrown out like the pieces of my favorite porcelain mug that I accidentally dropped. I can be put back together and there’s a great possibility that I will one day return to my former, non-anxiety-filled self.

I’m not broken, but I’m definitely glitching.

definition of the word glitch

I can’t wake up, get myself ready for the day and get things done, without some sort of malfunction. Anxiety has been a constant disruption in my daily life, for years now.

Some days it’s the inability to stop working long enough for a little self-care. Other days, my anxiety level is so high, I have to lay down or cry, or a combination of the two. Then, there are the days when I have errands to run, but have to continuously tell myself that I won’t have a panic attack while we’re on our way to the store, inside of the store, or on the way home from the store.

I’m not broken, but I’m definitely not ok.

My mind’s first reaction to just about any invitation, experience or opportunity is fear. Pure fear. Fear that I’ll have a panic attack in front of people. Fear that they will talk about me. Fear that they will stare. Fear that my kids will witness it. Fear of how far our car will be from wherever we are and whether or not I can get back to it quickly, if I need to. Fear of waiting on a line that might be one minute too long and I’ll have to walk out of the store, because the anticipation of the anxiety attack has already overcome me and I know I can’t come back from that.

I know I’m not broken, but sometimes I don’t believe it.

Every morning, I tell myself that this is not permanent. Nothing in life is. Tomorrow will be better. I will overcome something big today and celebrate my victories, no matter how small. With each victory, every obstacle ahead will seem easier and easier. I don’t have to settle for what anxiety has brought into my days.

I’m not broken. I’m just glitching and glitches can be fixed.

When a computer glitches, we restart or reset it. I just need to restart myself, clear my memory of the thoughts and feelings that seem to be the root of the problem. If I can get rid of whatever combination of factors that created the glitch in the first place, I can restore myself to the time when I didn’t have a care in the world.

But what are they? How do I find them and more importantly, how do I drag them to the trash?

My faith is bigger than my anxiety.

I have faith that one day, those obstacles won’t be an issue anymore.

Fear won’t be an issue anymore.

Anxiety won’t be an issue anymore.

I refuse to believe that anxiety will cause a total system failure. I have too much life left to live. Too much to see. Too many places I want to travel to. Too much to say to too many others like me who are reading this and know exactly what I’m feeling.

We may be glitching, but we aren’t broken.


Anxiety hasn't broken me, but I'm definitely glitching. I'm a mother, living with a panic disorder and this is my story.

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Hello There!

I'm so honored that you've found us! I'm Heather, a Mom of 3 who blogs about parenting, food, occasional travel and how I overcame my daily struggle with anxiety. I miss sleeping and rely on coffee and laughter to get me through the day. I hope you enjoy and visit often!

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  • This can be tough. I know I get anxiety at times. Social anxiety, for one. I am an introvert, so I panic when I know I”ll be with groups of people. Also, I can’t drive on a highway without freaking out. I’m working on it!

  • Anxiety is so huge and the hard thing is that no one can see it. Good for you for speaking out about this.

  • I love that you share your story and struggles with us. It’s a refreshing breath of fresh air. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us. So many out there need to know that they’re not alone.

  • I get you. I felt this way after being at home alone with my younger two kids for a few years. It took a bit not to feel a bit of anxiety when doing things on my own.

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      Do you think that it was because you spent so much time at home? I often wonder if working from home for the last 10 years has contributed to it for me.

  • I am nodding along with it all. I have gotten so bad that I seldom leave my house and leave my poor husband to do the grocery shopping, laundry or whatever. If I do leave the house I can only do it with him. I hate living like this and I’m working to reboot myself as well (love that analogy). I start therapy on Wednesday for the very first time.

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      I am exactly the same way! I’m happy to hear that others are going through the same thing, but also so sad that others are going through the same thing. I did try therapy and am considering going back again. I hope it gives you what you need to get back to life.

  • It sounds like you are extremely honest about what you’re going through and that is always a first good step to whatever goal you have in mind for yourself. Always be honest with yourself and I think you will get far.

  • It sounds like you have a good handle on it, though and you’ve learned to live with the anxiety. I know it’s hard, but hang in there.