I Will Never Be That Girl

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My job as an influencer and content creator forces me to be on social media on a pretty regular basis. I’m often scrolling my feed, looking at beautiful people with beautiful homes, who always appear to have the perfect lives. I know that most people only show their highlight reel on social media, but it doesn’t change the fact that I often feel like I’ll never be good enough. When you think of an influencer, my face isn’t the first thing to pop into your head. You think of a beautiful, thin, model-like girl who is living her best life. And I’m sorry to say, I will never be that girl.

She’s beautiful.
She’s got it all together.
She has long, flowing hair and big, bright eyes.
She doesn’t need makeup because she’s stunning without it.
Her skin is flawless.
She has a smile that can light up the room.
Her nails are always perfectly manicured.
She has the body everyone aspires to have.
She rarely exercises and eats whatever she wants, without gaining a pound.
She’s fun to be around and is often the center of attention wherever she goes.
She is invited to every party and often throws parties of her own where everyone hopes to be on the guest list.
She has a large group of friends.
She is approachable and loved instantly.
People stop and stare whenever she walks into a room.
She has a big, close-knit family that all love each other unconditionally.
She has a beautiful home that belongs in a magazine.
Her closet is filled with all the latest fashions, in sample sizes.
She can wear anything and look great.
She never takes a bad photo.
She always knows the right thing to say.
She lives her life to the fullest and never has regrets.
She travels all over the world and stays in the best hotels.

I will never be that girl.

So who am I?

I’m a 40-something year old Mom of three.
I have beautiful blue eyes.
I dye my hair to cover the gray.
I tend to choose my clothing based on comfort and not style.
I’m a hard worker.
I’m a dreamer.
I’m a planner.
I am sensitive.
I need to feel in control.
I believe that most people have good intentions.
I put myself last because I put my family first.
I surround myself with good people.
I only open up to people I trust.
Fear stops me from doing things, but I’m working on that.
I’m what you would call a Netflix-a-h0lic.
I love to laugh and to make others laugh.
I’m not a fan of getting my picture taken.
I love to help others.
I’m a leader.
I am always trying to improve myself.
And finally, I have a love/hate relationship with social media.

I think so many of us get stuck in this “appearance” we have to keep up. But being real is so much better than trying to keep up with a lie. What I’m seeing more and more these days are people working hard to fit the mold. They think you have to look a certain way, dress a certain way, have a certain number of followers or get a certain number of likes on social media.  The truth is, you don’t have to be any of these things, except real and true to yourself. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide who you want to be.

Who will you choose to be?

I will never be the prettiest, smartest or best dressed girl in the room. I'll never be the most popular. I'll never be that girl.

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Hello There!

I'm so honored that you've found us! I'm Heather, a Mom of 3 who blogs about parenting, food, occasional travel and how I overcame my daily struggle with anxiety. I miss sleeping and rely on coffee and laughter to get me through the day. I hope you enjoy and visit often!

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  1. This reminds me of a conversation I had the other day about those famous IG poses. Not a fan of most of them — all so unnatural to me. Glad you accept who you are. There’s nothing wrong with that 🙂

  2. I love your honesty and truth. Social media is definitely NOT inclusive and many women don’t fit that mold. I think being honest and brave to be who you are is so important and has a bigger impact as an influence than faking perfection. Thank you for sharing. This was so beautiful to read!

  3. I suppose it’s good to document what you appreciate or admire about someone and then make any changes that you can and want to!

  4. Be you is all you can do! People love a real person at the end of the day. Most things on social media is for show anyway. So just show odd what’s true to you. And so far you are rocking it!

  5. I cannot agree more that being real is the most important! You post has inspired lots of women out there to be themselves and be confident to be who they are.

  6. This is such a beautiful post! Often, all the influencers look like they are loving a dream life and we try so hard to match their level without knowing the truth behind the pictures. Changing your life for good is good. But it is so important to stick to your core values!

  7. I agree with you, being real is certainly much better than a lie. Plus people will genuinely like you for who you are.

  8. But that is the beauty of it! We are all different and have so much more to offer than our looks and appearances!! I think you are amazing!

    Kileen
    cute & little

  9. I love how honest you are. I am feeling the same way within being a blogger and content creator. I will never do everything perfectly, but I will stay true to myself and my audience for sure. This was a great read!

  10. we are all uniquely made, and we inspire others our own way. you are beautifully packaged. remember that. continue to influence and inspire more people with your blog. 🙂

  11. this is beautifully written! it is so important to remember to love our unique beings and to live each day to our fullest!

  12. Oh my goodness. Heather, this makes me love you. “That girl” on the other hand? I cannot even relate to her. I like you so much more!!!!!!!!!!!

  13. Feeling confident and safe to genuinly be yourself is truly magical! And so important. We all bring an incredible uniqueness to the table. The girl I want to be is me. And I adore seeing others embracing their beautiful selves and sharing their unique messages as well. Thank you so much for sharing such an inspiring message!

  14. I love this. Instagram teaches us all that we need to be perfect and it is so completely unsustainable!

  15. I think being an influencer for me is using my voice to help others make a better life, feel happier! Not really most of the stereotypes attached to the word!

  16. Influencers more than what you see online, they also help people offline and in the community. Keep on being you and make people know you are beautiful on the inside and out!

  17. Inspiring post. I am super busy working from home mom so I feel all those little pricks very well. Lovely style of writing.

  18. It’s nice to be imperfect since you ave more chances of improving yourself. Also, it’s an opportunity to have a better version of yourself.

  19. You’re a lot like me!!! No one else i would rather be:) screw the insta perfect lives! I’m living a real life and loving it:)

  20. We are so darn similar, Heather!!! I was reading your list and thought, “yep, thats me too over and over!”

  21. I love this raw look at life behind the blog and how you haven’t let being an influencer change your perspective.

  22. This is such a beautiful and inspiring article to read. One of the thing that I’ve learned from this is we don’t need to be pretentious to be accepted in the society instead be real and love yourself.

  23. As a reader, I like seeing a real kind of influencer. The real life and all so I appreciate every post form you all.

  24. I never have and will never be THAT girl. I admit, it makes me green with envy when I see slim women chomping down on a greasy burger and not gaining a pound. I have a flabby belly, but that’s okay. I nurtured 3 beautiful children in there. I am happy with the blessings I have now and I will try my very best never ever to dream of becoming someone I am not.

  25. I choose to be me. I used to care about being more of that girl when I was younger but there are more important things in life.

  26. I choose to always be me. I see what “sells” now, after being a blogger since 2008 and there’s no way that will be me. I will continue to make my income being who I am, showcasing what I’m comfortable with and so on. Be proud being you, because there is only one YOU and that is worth a lot!

  27. As much as I try to be that girl, I’m not either. I want to be her but I just can’t and at my age I just don’t have the time, money, or eff’s to give to it.

  28. Choosing to be ourselves is the only way to survive and be sane and creative and achieve big things. I choose to be many different things. Some of them took time.

  29. Yas Girl! Me too, I will never be that girl! For a long time, I aspired to be her, tried and failed too many times, but now I know who I am and it’s ok that I’m not that girl 🙂

  30. A majority of people’s online persona is not how they are in real life. I look at it like that person is like a commercial: when you see a commercial on t.v., it’s perceived as perfect. Anyone who thinks they’ll be this perfect is fooling themselves.

  31. I love this! I’ll never be that girl either. It’s easy as a woman to get stuck in the comparison trap. It’s so important to be authentic.

  32. I’m a 40-something year old Mom of three, as well. I don’t cover my gray but I’m sure thinking about it. Love your message and needed to hear it today.

  33. that photo of you with the apple is GORGEOUS!!! i am excited to start following your newsletter and social media as @thejoyousliving. I think your feed will be worth reading and I might write a similar post if you don’t mind a copy cat.

    Joy

    ps don’t ever let anyone change you!

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      Hi Joy! Welcome! I’m excited to have you here. This picture is not me. It’s “that girl” that I’m speaking about in my post. 😉

  34. Since most of what we see and read online is not real, I try not to let it bother me. The girl who seems like she might have it altogether could be depressed, starving, or in debt.

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  35. Thank you for writing this. I’m in the same boat job-wise, and I’m having a hard time coming out of my shell in my own blogs because I’m a 5’2 plus size girl with a scar below her chin. Thank you for the reminder that people want the real.

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  36. At the end of the day we all have to learn to accept ourselves and learn to do our best. I think you must be because your blog is great!

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