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💓LAST CHANCE💓 We have teamed...

After yearsssssss of begging us to take her to @legolandflorida, we finally made it! {Hosted} This was Falynn’s 7th birthday trip. I have so much to say about our experience. But first, I have to go through over 1,000 photos 🤦🏻‍♀️. Does anyone else take way too many pictures on family vacations?
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After yearsssssss of begging us...

In 2017, tired of my debilitating anxiety disorder, I went to see a new doctor. She was sure my anxiety was the result of a medical condition. After routine bloodwork, I was told I had a vitamin D deficiency. But that’s it. I left without any more answers than I walked in with. It wasn’t until 2 years later when my friend DM’ed me to tell me that she and a friend (who both suffer from anxiety) had the same results, that I began thinking there must be a connection between anxiety and vitamin D deficiency. Today on the blog, I’m sharing why some studies show that a lack of vitamin D could be linked to anxiety and depression. I think what I found will surprise you. If you suffer from anxiety and/or depression, have you ever been told you’re vitamin d deficient? .
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In 2017, tired of my...

“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” - Martin Luther King, Jr. 
Art: @kobrastreetart .
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“If you can’t fly then...

AD: January 20th is National Cheese Day! Do you have the perfect cheesy meal planned yet? Our family will be eating these incredible homemade enchiladas, filled and topped with the best cheese, @trulygrassfed Naturally Aged Cheddar! YUM! This cheese comes from the farms of Ireland, aged for 6+ months to a perfectly smooth and creamy consistency. It's truly delicious. Truly Grass Fed products are always non-GMO, growth hormone rBST-free, antibiotic free, 95% grass fed and imported from Ireland. When you choose Truly, you can be assured you're choosing products that adhere to the highest standards of nutrition, flavor and quality. Their dairy is minimally processed and as close to nature as it gets. BTW, their butter is the best we've ever tasted! #PairsWithYou #ChooseTruly https://lnk2.io/wSpWDmQ .
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AD: January 20th is National...

What did one helmet say to the other?  I'll stay here, you go on a head. .
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#skateboard #skateboardingisfun #skateboards #skateboarders #helmets #helmet #capturethemoment #purejoy #skatepark #jokesfordays #jokesoftheday #funnyisfunny #funnygirl #playground #skatergirl #skater #skatespot #funtimes #timeofmylife #palmbeachblogger #southfloridablogger #westpalmbeach #loxahatchee #royalpalmbeach #palmbeachgardens #kidslife #funfunfun #funwithfriends #wee #skatephotoaday

What did one helmet say...

Let’s talk about family vacations... #gifted I struggled for years with the amount of time it took to pack up to go back home. There were always dirty clothes all over the floor and while I tried to pack it all into those hotel provided plastic laundry bags, 1) they were plastic and we are trying our best to do better for our planet and 2) they rip so easily, so we often wound up with dirty clothes spilling out in the car (yuck). A couple of months ago, I was watching a friend’s Instagram stories and she was talking about the @swoopbags she uses for her son’s toys. I immediately had an idea and knew I had to get one. 
On our last vacation, I opened up my large swoop bag and left it flat in the corner of our hotel room. We used it as our “laundry corner”. We instructed the kids (and ourselves) to drop our dirty laundry in the middle of the flattened Swoop bag. When it was time to pack up, I just swooped the bag, tied it and voila… it literally saved me all of the aggravation of finding and picking up all of the clothes and trying to find something to carry it all in. Don’t forget to check out the blog for more family travel hacks and a quick video on how I fit all 5 of our clothing into one small suitcase! I put the link in my bio! .
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Let’s talk about family vacations......

Anyone else super excited that today is National Dress Up Your Pet Day?! Elle will be going through a few wardrobe changes today. 🙈 What will your pet be wearing?
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Anyone else super excited that...

As a family, we road trip quite a lot. It's a ton of fun, but also a lot of work (for me at least)! Over the years, I've found a variety of ways to save time and money and I'm finally sharing those family-friendly travel hacks with you on the blog today! Click on the link in my bio or swipe up in stories! How do you save time and money when you travel?
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As a family, we road...

Growing up, I always wanted a sibling. I wished over every star and every birthday candle. I even asked my magic eight ball constantly if I would ever have one but as many times as it told me “all signs point to yes”, I remained an only child. I look forward to the days when my three girls appreciate that they have best friends for life... two women who will always have their back, lend them a hand or provide a shoulder to cry on. In the meantime, I make sure to create fun reasons for them to “work” together without bickering. So, I’m excited to announce that Iyla and Falynn are starting a new venture together, @thesuperkidlife and I hope you’ll follow along and show them some love. Although I will run the IG page for them for now, Iyla will be in charge of content and stories, so you’re in for a treat! They already have their first sponsored posts lined up! Stay tuned. . .
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📷 @jenpriesterphotography 
#newborn #newbornphotography #newbornbaby #newbornphotographer #newbornposing #newbornphotos #newbornphoto #newbornsession #babyphotography #babyphotoshoot #palmbeachblogger #westpalmbeachblogger #loxahatchee #babyfever #babygirl #newborns #newbornpics #newbornbabygirl #southfloridablogger #southfloridabloggers #sistersister #sistersquad #sistertime #sistergoals #thesuperkidlife #siblinglove #sibling #siblinggoals #hairfordays #lovethemsomuch

Growing up, I always wanted...

It’s Time I Stopped Lying to Myself and Everyone Else

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I’m going to start by saying that I’ve been writing this post for a while. It probably didn’t go live the day I intended it to and it might disappear at some point. But enough is enough. Time for me to put my big girl panties on and stop lying to myself and everyone else.

The Back Story

After my massive panic attack at the entrance of Disney World, I finally realized it was time to get help. I scheduled an appointment with a behavioral therapist and sat in her office for one hour every week. I actually looked forward to it. We spoke about my family, my job and tried to figure out what trigged my anxiety. Everything was on track, until I had a panic attack in her office.

About ten minutes into that session, I asked her if I could lay down on the couch and about a minute later, told her that I was going to have to leave. That is my thing. If I have to choose between fight or flight, I always chose flight. First came the light-headed feeling. Next, cold sweats. My therapist fanned me with a file folder and tried to distract me and get me to breathe while I counted the seconds until I could pay her and get back to my car asap. I never went back to therapy again. It was no longer a safe space. It would be forever be the place I had a panic attack.

My therapist called and left me a voicemail a couple of days later to check in on me and make sure I was ok. She recommended that I see a psychiatrist and consider medication. She knew that was my last resort and knew that I would probably not be back to see her.

Although my therapist suggested it, I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that I needed to see a psychiatrist. Instead, I decided that I was going to ask a primary doctor about medications first. So I made an appointment with a new primary doctor that I found online. I remember one of the first questions she asked me…

Do you also suffer from depression?

“NO. No, I don’t. It’s just anxiety. Aside from that, I’m perfectly happy.” She followed it up with a number of questions that seemed to be many other ways to ask if I was depressed. I answered no to all of them. The word depression scared me. I thought if I said that I had moments where I felt sad, that she would take that as my admitting that I might do harm to myself, which I would never do. So I told her no, over and over again. I said no so many times, I even convinced myself that I wasn’t depressed.

But the truth is, I am and I have been for a long time.

I left that appointment with a prescription and hope that this was going to be what changed everything for me. And it was… just not the way I imagined.

For a full two days after I took that first pill, I was in bed. If I thought anxiety was scary, those meds proved that I had no idea what scary was. The meds made me think things and feel things that no person should ever feel. I was afraid to be alone. I was afraid to do anything but sleep. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t eat.

So, I called my doctor and she said,

Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.

WHAT?! I went to this doctor because I needed help. My anxiety was out of control and I wanted her to help me fix it. Instead, she gave me something that had me thinking the darkest thoughts. What kind of medical professional would prescribe something that was going to make me feel that much worse?

But, she was the professional, so I waited it out. I continued taking the meds as she instructed. As I got used to them, the dark thoughts disappeared. I could concentrate again. I could do every day things. I was ready to live a normal life.

About a week later, I went to visit my Grandma and had the worst panic attack of my life, which resulted in me being stranded in our car, an hour from home, with my three daughters. I was completely paralyzed by anxiety. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t get back on the road to go home. My youngest had to use the bathroom and I tried to get her to pee in a bag because I couldn’t bring myself to walk them into the fast food restaurant that was just a few feet from our car. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t calm down. Instead, we waited for hours until my husband and a friend could come and pick us up.

I called my doctor as soon I got home and told her I needed to stop taking this medication. She told me she would call in a new prescription and instructed me to stop taking that one immediately, something she probably should have told me when I called her the first time.

For a little while, things got better. But that ordeal kept me from leaving my home for almost 3 months. I couldn’t drive and I couldn’t be more than 10 minutes from my house without panicking. I still have a hard time driving anywhere on my own. I’m terrified that it’ll happen again.

I’ve Become Great at Lying

Over the years, I became great at lying. No matter what my loved ones were seeing, I swore everything was fine. I didn’t want them to know the truth. I didn’t want them to know that I was crying myself to sleep and that I was sad more often than I was happy. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror without cringing. I was completely disgusted by my weight, my lack of self-care and especially for how I had let myself go.  I hardly recognized myself. I pushed my loved ones away because I was expecting them to leave me anyway. It was easier if I was in control of the situation.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized that I’ve been depressed because of the “what ifs”. My life is good. I have a beautiful family, a roof over our heads and a business that is actually fun. I have no reason to feel the feelings that I feel. I think it’s just my mind’s way of trying to stay in control and coping with the fear of what could happen. And I realize that is no way to live.

While I am fully aware of what’s going on, I still battle both anxiety and depression. Most of my days are good ones, but I do have to fight for those good days. I’m fighting to stop the sadness. I’m fighting my sudden irritability that hits me without warning. Mostly, I’m fighting to hide it all from my kids because I don’t want them to think this is normal. This isn’t normal. And I refuse to believe it’s my normal.

So why am I sharing this now, in a public forum? Because I’m tired of pretending. I’m tired of lying to myself and to everyone around me. I have mental health issues, as do lots of other people, millions of people in fact. My secret ends today. If I’m feeling depressed, I’m going to call it what it is. I’m going to address it. I’m going to work toward training my mind not to focus on the “what ifs” so that I don’t miss the good parts that are happening now.

Now you know the truth and I hope you don’t think any less of me or feel sorry for me. I’m still the same person I was before you read this. I’m just a little bit stronger.

The doctor asked me so many different ways. I answered no every single time. But I was lying to her and myself.

XOXO
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42 Comments
  • Vasu Devan
    September 7, 2019

    Generally speaking, It is important to get timely help. However it is easy to say that than do it. Here is where friends and family can help, perhaps. First step is to know and accept that help is needed!.
    Vasu Devan recently posted Welcome to Saputara Monsoon FestivalMy Profile

  • Kiwi
    August 27, 2019

    I am glad you are using your platform to speak your truth and to get yourself to admit you have high anxiety and depression. Its the only way you are going to heal when you admit there is a problem. Yes please continue for the health of yourself and for your family.

  • Catherine
    August 23, 2019

    So raw and honest. To move forward, we must first acknowledge what holds us up. This is a very important post to share. Thank you!

  • Jackline A
    August 22, 2019

    I know it was not easy writing this but I am sure it has helped a lot of people and starting a lot of important discussions. Thank you for sharing.
    Jackline A recently posted 6 Dollar Store Organization Hacks for your nurseryMy Profile

    • Surekha Busa
      August 23, 2019

      Sorry to hear that.. Admitting that you need help is a great start. You are so brave to write about this.

  • Bella at Dear Mummy Blog
    August 22, 2019

    You’re brave for writing this post, my mummy has dark days too and pushes them away – it doesn’t help when people are happy to offer pills to fix you.
    Bella at Dear Mummy Blog recently posted Escaping to Kidz Island on Southsea Pier, PortsmouthMy Profile

  • Heather Barber McMechan
    August 21, 2019

    It’s so easy to try and convince yourself that everything is okay. It took great courage for you to realize there was more to your attacks. Glad you were able to bring your emotions to light
    Heather Barber McMechan recently posted 7 Back To School Tips To Help You Stop NaggingMy Profile

  • Amber S Battishill
    August 21, 2019

    I can’t imagine how hard or scary that this is. Speaking out about it takes such courage and surely helps someone else that is or has been in a similar situation. Sending you positive vibes and hope that you are able to find something that helps you to feel better.

  • Myrah Duque
    August 21, 2019

    To talk about these things is important. Removing all the stigma. Thanks for sharing this. It will help many. We all go through difficult times, I’m glad you found the right medication.
    Myrah Duque recently posted Enter The Great Myrtle Beach Condo or $50,000 Giveaway Contest!My Profile

  • Krystel | Frugal Living
    August 21, 2019

    I’m sorry that you are going through this. Probably took so much strength to write this. Sending you positive vibes.

  • April
    August 21, 2019

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. And hopefully you found the right medication for you. I also think that cognitive behavioral therapy is very helpful for this kind of situation. But at least admitting that you need help is the first step to healing.

  • Monidipa Dutta
    August 21, 2019

    I have extreme severe anxiety too but my problem is I am unable to open up. I’m a counselor but I am afraid of getting counselled. U r stronger than me thats why you could open up.

  • Ashley
    August 21, 2019

    I’m so glad that you’re able to get out there and share your story. Depression is a serious thing and I think oftentimes, we think if we ignore it that it will just go away. That is not the case!

  • Sue-Tanya Mchorgh
    August 21, 2019

    Depression is such a heavy topic. I find a lot of persons don’t like talking about it. I think it is important that you’re having the conversation. I know a few persons that this post will help so I will make sure to share it.

  • Garf
    August 21, 2019

    Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure it took a lot of courage to do that. Stay strong!
    Garf recently posted Common Cosmetic Dentistry ProceduresMy Profile

  • kumamonjeng
    August 21, 2019

    I have friends who suffered from depression due to many reasons, stress, loneliness and other factors. They can’t sleep at night and eat a lot during night time and hence gains weight due to excessive eating at night. I hope your post reach out to more people and gained awareness.
    kumamonjeng recently posted “The Brown Papaer Bag” in Sydney UTS (University of Technology Sydney)My Profile

  • Kita Roberts
    August 21, 2019

    I know that it took you a lot of courage to share your story to us. But I am thankful that you were able to talk about it. It would really help you so much. Keep strong!

  • julie
    August 21, 2019

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m sure this is going to help so many women.

  • Ruth I
    August 21, 2019

    It is so brave of you writing such a sensitive content. It was never easy to deal with depression. I hope you’ll be doing ok in the near future.

  • Catalina
    August 21, 2019

    It’s the first and the most important step is to realize that you have a problem and you need help. And you need to be ready to accept help!

  • Kelly Martin
    August 21, 2019

    Thank you for such an honest, real post. I think this will help a lot of people in the same situation.

  • Blair Villanueva
    August 21, 2019

    I admire your courage to seek help and prioritize your health. Still many out there are in denial, and slowly destroys what they have. Virtual hugs!

  • Kristine Nicole Alessandra
    August 21, 2019

    This is so brave of you to share a part of you. It is not easy to open up and admit having mental health issues, but you are strong. You stepped out of your comfort zone. That is the first step to healing. Hugs to you and hopefully everything will get better soon.

  • kristin
    August 21, 2019

    Oh my Gish I so relate to this!! You have no idea, this was great. Big hugs!!

  • Sherry
    August 20, 2019

    Good for you for owning your truth. There is such a stigma attached to depression whether put there by others or by ourselves. I too suffer from depression and as I was reading this I saw myself in so many of the words you wrote. I was to the point where my children would be talking to me and I just wouldn’t care. I was staying in bed and lying to my husband about going to work during the day. Thankfully the medication my doctor put me on has helped.

  • Celebrate Woman Today
    August 20, 2019

    Heather, thank you for sharing your life, your very personal stories. They do help and support a lot of people reading your blog.

  • Leigh Suznovich
    August 20, 2019

    It is so important to talk about these things openly and remove the stigma. There is nothing wrong with what you are battling, no more wrong than if you were battling physical pain; and nothing wrong with naming it and getting the help you need just as you would for a broken arm. Thank you so much for sharing.

  • Claudia Krusch
    August 20, 2019

    Wow! Thank you for sharing your story! So many suffer and refuse to ask for help! Glad you are on a healing path.
    Claudia Krusch recently posted Teen’s Back To School FashionMy Profile

  • Danielle
    August 20, 2019

    I think that you are so brave and inspiring to share such a vulnerable truth with the world. Thank you.

  • keikilani
    August 20, 2019

    Your story resonates with me so much. I appreciate your bravery in sharing your story. I hope that sharing helps both you and others like me continue to heal

  • krystal
    August 20, 2019

    It is hard to admit these things and you are not only admitting them to yourself but to us too! That is very brave!
    krystal recently posted Grilled Caprese BurgersMy Profile

  • Amy Desrosiers
    August 20, 2019

    I think the what ifs are what cause my anxiety as well. It is so hard to sometimes see how good we truly have it in the moment.

  • Kathy
    August 20, 2019

    I’m sorry you’re going through this, but glad you realized you needed the help. This can be tough and scary. I’m very glad you shared this with us too.

  • Melissa Chapman
    August 20, 2019

    I appreciate the honesty heart and soul that went into this post. I have issues I could never share on my blog so I give you credit and hope it helps you cope better.
    Melissa Chapman recently posted Weight Watchers Peanut Butter Marshmallow WontonMy Profile

  • Stacie
    August 20, 2019

    Thank you so, so much for sharing your story. Depression has such a stigma that many won’t even tell their doctor about it just like you didn’t want to. I’m glad you’re on the road to recovery and getting what you need to get better.
    Stacie recently posted Sweet Ways to Reward Your FamilyMy Profile

  • Yanna
    August 20, 2019

    I love your transparency. Admitting you need help is always hard on anyone. I am sure this post will help someone out, it not many. I started getting really bad anxiety after I had my son.

  • Kim
    August 20, 2019

    I am always here for you my friend.

  • Kim
    August 20, 2019

    Thank you for being so open and honest. I can relate to this so much.

  • Tara Pittman
    August 20, 2019

    I am glad that you realized that you need help. Depression is a tough thing to go through alone and it is hard to admit that things are not perfect.
    Tara Pittman recently posted Safer Cooking With Concentrix Ceramic Coated Nonstick FryPanMy Profile

  • Brianne Tursi Manz
    August 20, 2019

    What a powerful post! If people who suffer from anxiety and depression would read this, I think it would help them make sense of it all.

  • Cherishingflo
    August 20, 2019

    I have never related to anything more. When I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression I refused to acknowledge it and avoided doctors and medications and even saying those two words for two and a half years. I don’t drive due to my anxiety and the panic attacks that I have so I TRULY understand. I hate driving by myself. I have had many panic attacks while driving and ended up stranded for hours before I could calm down or someone could come get me. I love this so much and thank you for being so open. This makes me feel a lot less alone in this topic.
    Cherishingflo recently posted 11 Things Successful Bloggers do differentlyMy Profile

    • Heather
      August 20, 2019

      I’m so sorry to hear that. I think when we are going through things like this, we tend to forget that there are others out there exactly like us. We need to stick together. If you ever need someone to listen, I’m here!

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