When I Say I’m Okay… Confession of a Mom Living with Anxiety

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When you ask me how I’m doing, and I say, “I’m okay,” don’t listen to my words, because there’s nothing farther from the truth. 

The truth is, I probably had a hard time getting out of bed, like I do on most days.

The truth is, even at dinner time, I look like I just woke up. Self-care is my absolute last priority.

The truth is, I’m overwhelmed. Every. Single. Day. I can’t possibly do all the things I’m expected to do and be really, truly happy. 

The truth is, I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore. The glimpse of the aging, graying mess that I catch occasionally, makes me want to cover every reflective surface and walk around with a bag over my head.

The truth is, I fight the inner voices that tell me things will get better because so far, they haven’t and I can’t imagine they ever will.

The truth is, I put on a brave face when I absolutely have to go somewhere, but most of the time, I just make up excuses so that I don’t have to leave my home.

The truth is, I crave companionship so much that I can stay on the phone for hours with anyone that will still pick up the phone. As soon as I hang up, I feel lonely all over again. 

The truth is, being in a room with others is awkward and I’m afraid I won’t have anything to say.

The truth is, I cry. And not because I have a genuine reason to. I cry because I’m sad. I cry because I wasted the last 6 years of my life. I cry because my kids deserve better than what I give or can’t give them. I cry because… well, most of the time I have no idea why. It’s just all I can do at that moment.

The truth is, I feel lost and I can’t find my way back.

The truth is, I say I’m okay because it’s easier.

The truth is, I question what type of role model I am for my kids. Do they see me as a fighter or just think this is what they have to look forward to when they are all grown up? 

The truth is, I know that so many other people feel exactly what I feel, but I can’t imagine that there is anyone that can really understand what I’m going through.

The truth is, though social media is a highlight reel, it is constantly reminding me of what my life could’ve looked like.

The truth is, this anxiety has taken over and there’s no cure or remedy or hope. I can’t “snap out of it” or “knock it off,” no matter how many people tell me to.

The truth is, I’ve silently accepted that anxiety is a part of me, only to try to convince it to play fairly. Spoiler alert… that doesn’t work either.

The truth is, I end every day by reciting all of the things I believe I can be, the dreams I can achieve and the places I can travel to. By the time I wake up in the morning, I’ve convinced myself that I can’t and will never do any of those things.

The truth is, I’m not okay. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be okay. But when you ask next time, chances are, I’ll just say “I’m okay.”

When you ask me how I’m doing, and I say, “I’m okay,” don’t listen to my words, because there's nothing farther from the truth. 

XOXO
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32 Comments
  • Stephanie
    February 27, 2020

    Such a real and raw post. Living with anxiety can be very difficult but finding ways to cope with it sure can help your day to day.
    Stephanie recently posted EVEN New York Hotel- Midtown EastMy Profile

  • Eloise
    February 26, 2020

    Sadly anxiety is becoming the new norm. People put so much pressure on themselves and don’t’ get me on society always judging and telling people to stay busy… We need time to chill out and RELAX without feeling guilty about it!
    My son has anxiety and he’s only 11 yrs old… I have him in art therapy and that seems to be helping! I suggest to anyone with anxiety to seek help and/or find a hobby the truly brings you joy/relaxation and stick with it (do it daily or every other day)
    Take care!

  • Natalie
    February 26, 2020

    I’m struggling with anxiety for 4 years now. I’m a mom too. I totally feel you dear. Stay strong! PS try ashwaganda and Matcha green tea. Valerian root tincture helped me a lot too.

  • angelina
    February 26, 2020

    I too struggle with anxiety. I have had to cut my beloved coffees out its gotten so bad. I found this really helped me

  • Erin
    February 25, 2020

    Same! I can relate to this alot and will say I’m okay when I really might not be. I think most of us here can relate a lot to this!!

  • Ruth I
    February 25, 2020

    I can relate on some of these. It’s much easier to say “i’m okay” when someone asks. It’s so hard to explain how I feel and yes, not easy to just snap out of it.

  • Lily
    February 25, 2020

    Your post is a very real post than many people will resonate with. I had a conversation with one of my closest friends and she feels the exact same way, and I told her it is ok not to be ok sometimes.

  • Windy
    February 25, 2020

    I’ve been really good lately at expressing my feelings when people ask how am I doing. I don’t believe in being a super mom. Finding “me time” is necessary for our being.

    • Heather
      February 25, 2020

      I agree, but sometimes, we don’t get to choose whether or not we have to be “super mom”.

  • Ruchi Verma
    February 25, 2020

    I’m Ok !! These two words says a lot ..we all need to understand when someone says this actually I can relate to this post a lot …metal health should not be ignored!!

  • Stephen
    February 25, 2020

    Everyone should take the time to focus on their mental health and never be worried to reach out for a little help

  • Emman Damian
    February 25, 2020

    You have to stay strong for your kids and family. I know it’s difficult so try your best to be optimistic. Do yoga or exercises. Spend more time with your family.
    Emman Damian recently posted 5 Car Tips Every Traveler Needs to KnowMy Profile

  • Brittany Limberakis
    February 25, 2020

    Oh mama, know you’re not alone! So many of the same feelings.
    Brittany Limberakis recently posted Sweet Rolled Tacos: Delicious or Crazy?My Profile

  • Myrah Duque
    February 25, 2020

    I’m one to say “I’m OK” when I am not. I don’t want my family to worry or friends are simply curious and “WANT TO KNOW”, just so they know, but don’t offer help.
    Myrah Duque recently posted Disney Pixar Onward to Feature Brandi Carlile SongMy Profile

  • Serene Xi
    February 25, 2020

    Most of us say we’re OK when we’re not. I don’t like it when friends simply ask: “Are you OK?” If you say no, then the conversation shifts. Most times I’d rather not do that.

  • Toni
    February 25, 2020

    Thank you for sharing this. I think it’s really not easy to explain how we feel. This post would be really helpful for everyone who’s struggling the same.
    Toni recently posted Chocolate Truffles with Irish Cream FillingMy Profile

  • Catalina
    February 25, 2020

    Thanks for sharing your story with us! I don’t know if I understand exactly what are you going through, but I have sometimes anxiety moments.

  • Stefani
    February 25, 2020

    You are not alone. I deal with anxiety daily and often wonder why me.
    Stefani recently posted How to Effectively Budget as a Newly Single ParentMy Profile

  • Sarah
    February 24, 2020

    When a friends response is saying they are okay, my ears immediately perk up. As I’ve never known it having the same meaning when we physically fall down.

  • Lisa Favre
    February 24, 2020

    This hits home in so many ways. Anxiety can really overtake every day functions and it’s hard to cope. I have a good support system but sometimes, it doesn’t feel like enough.
    Lisa Favre recently posted Kid-Friendly St. Patrick’s Day CraftsMy Profile

  • Lisa Joy Thompson
    February 24, 2020

    Oh Heather, I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. I have lupus and a host of autoimmune diseases and for years dealt with so much pain that I could barely function. I always told everyone I was OK when OK was the furthest thing from what I actually was. Hope things improve soon!
    Lisa Joy Thompson recently posted Easter Chick CupcakesMy Profile

  • Kendall
    February 24, 2020

    Many people fail to show empathy or compassion which heightens it. It can be tough.

  • Bella
    February 24, 2020

    This is such a great share. Life is just a bunch of hits and runs and you gotta just go with the flow sometimes.

  • Holly
    February 24, 2020

    This is really deep. It is good to get feelings out and express yourself. A good first step. Self care is very important. Even if it is 10-20 minutes.

  • Amary
    February 24, 2020

    Sometimes life gives blows and you can get down, my hope is you try getting professional(if you haven’t alread) help and make small steps into getting better. With the right help you will get better sending love

  • Mimi
    February 24, 2020

    I can’t imagine how hard it is with all the responsibilities of being a mum and dealing with anxiety, I know it’s hard but ignore people that ask you “snap out of it” but do it 😉

  • Shayla Marie
    February 24, 2020

    I can completely relate to this. I found out last week that I have Hashimoto’s, and that this is probably the reason I’ve been dealing with anxiety like I have been for so long. Anxiety is awful, and I really hate feeling like I have to say I’m doing good when I’m not. I know if I don’t though that I would probably alienate people.
    Shayla Marie recently posted Our Favorite Things, 7 Delightful Finds In FebruaryMy Profile

    • Heather
      February 24, 2020

      Thank you for sharing that Shayla! What is Hashimoto’s?

  • Tara Pittman
    February 24, 2020

    Thanks for sharing. I try to listen to my friends and need to ask more than how are you doing.
    Tara Pittman recently posted How To Make Focaccia Bread FlowersMy Profile

  • Stephen
    February 24, 2020

    ” I believe I can be, the dreams I can achieve and the places I can travel to. ” I start and end the day this way and it is a game-changer. I appreciate your honesty in this post.

  • Melissa Cushing
    February 24, 2020

    Wows…. that is all I can say after reading this. I love your honestly and your raw article that makes me think and feel. I appreciate you sharing and I have to admit that I have many of the same thoughts especially the looking in the mirror part although I have lost 30 pounds and can handle the few gray hairs…. I was more upset with seeing my face looking larger when I was heavier as I was always super skinny my entire life. I have since realized heck……. I am growing older and I am not going to be 20 something or look 20 something forever so I have changes the way I think and am embracing middle age now and loving myself for it. Thank you so much for sharing and will be back!
    Melissa Cushing recently posted My Savvy Review Of The Putty From Graydon Skincare @graydonskincareMy Profile

  • Your biggest fan
    February 24, 2020

    Super Mom, just know you’re not alone. We’re all here to support, and lift each other.

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