Funniest Tweets About Marriage

funniest tweets about marriage

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Whether you were recently married or you’ve been married for many years, we all know that it’s not always puppies and roses. We all have those days where we just need a laugh to get us through the day. I found the best tweets about marriage to make you smile and maybe even spark up a conversation between you and your spouse.

If you love it and can relate to it, share it with a friend! 

Married Sexting: I'm not wearing any underwear... because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times.

Married Sexting: I’m not wearing any underwear… because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times. @cjohnsonking5

Sorry. I was late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband.

Sorry. I was late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband. @wife_housy

Most of your time being married is spent saying, "I never heard you say that."

Most of your time being married is spent saying, “I never heard you say that.” @sarcasticmommy4

When my wife asks me to do the one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she's talking about vacuuming.

When my wife asks me to do the one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she’s talking about vacuuming. @simoncholland

Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I've learned that I don't need to use so many paper towels, and they're expensive.

Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I’ve learned that I don’t need to use so many paper towels, and they’re expensive. @pjtlynch

When I awoke from the car accident in a full-body cast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.

When I awoke from the car accident in a full-body cast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful. @kentwgraham

Marriage is just texting each other "Do we need anything from the grocery store?" a bunch of times until one of you dies.

Marriage is just texting each other “Do we need anything from the grocery store?” a bunch of times until one of you dies. @danielrcarrillo

Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.

Before I got married I didn’t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge. @iwearaonesie

Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't want to share.

Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn’t want to share. @valeegrrl

Stages of a relationship: I like you. I love you. WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO LOUD?

Stages of a relationship: I like you. I love you. WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO LOUD? @mommajessiec

Dating: Can't wait to see you again. Marriage: Part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night.

Dating: Can’t wait to see you again. Marriage: Part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night. @thecatwhisprer

I have a cold and it's pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently that's way worse.

I have a cold and it’s pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently that’s way worse. @simoncholland

In 34 years on this planet, I've learned one very important lesson that I'm going to pass on to you fellas. She can eat your fries. You can not eat her fries.

In 34 years on this planet, I’ve learned one very important lesson that I’m going to pass on to you fellas. She can eat your fries. You can not eat her fries. @crockettforreal

My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it's called "Why are you doing it that way?" and there are no winners.

My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it’s called “Why are you doing it that way?” and there are no winners. @ericspiegelman

Marriage, because you need to know you were folding a bag of chips wrong your entire life.

Marriage, because you need to know you were folding a bag of chips wrong your entire life. @social_mime

Which one of these tweets about marriage is your favorite? Looking for more laughs? Don’t forget to check out our funny quotes about love. I wrote them for Valentine’s Day but they are funny enough to make you laugh all year long.

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Whether you were recently married or you've been married for many years, we can all use a relatable laugh. These are the funniest tweets about marriage.
Whether you were recently married or you've been married for many years, we can all use a relatable laugh. These are the funniest tweets about marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello There!

I'm so honored that you've found us! I'm Heather, a Mom of 3 who blogs about parenting, food, occasional travel and how I overcame my daily struggle with anxiety. I miss sleeping and rely on coffee and laughter to get me through the day. I hope you enjoy and visit often!

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  1. Pingback: More Funny Tweets About Marriage - The Super Mom Life

  2. Reading this makes me think if I will be posting this too. Haha! Can’t relate yet but who knows, sooner or later I am posting this too. Haha

  3. These are really some funny tweets you have here! I can relate to my husband cant find stuff that lies right in front of him!

  4. These not only funny tweets but also close to reality too. Marriage is not always walking through roses.

  5. These funny tweets made me laugh so hard! I am so glad to have bumped into this post. I needed it!

  6. Oh my goodness…. I truly enjoyed so many of these witty tweets 🙂 I can say that I totally relate to several of them LOL

  7. I just needed this compilation! It was so funny! I read all of it. I even shared to my group. Hahahaha!

  8. These are all great, after 30 plus years of marriage, I think my husband and I can relate to all of them.

    1. People on Twitter are so funny! Thank you for rounding up some funny marriage tweets. Definitely had a good laugh 😆

  9. These are all so hilarious! The “I never heard you say that.” is spot on for anyone who has been married for any amount of time.

  10. I could see the kit kat one happening in our house. I prefer to sneak it. I don’t know why. Candy tastes better that way.

  11. Those are all hilarious tweets and loved reading them. Thanks for sharing this and had a good laugh.

  12. I love this collection! These are seriously some of the funniest tweets I’ve seen in a while.

  13. Haha married couples would definitely laugh upon reading these jokes. I could relate to some of it.

  14. Hihi….Daniel R. Carillo’s message about marriage really did it for me! Thank you for sharing.

  15. OMG! I had a lot of fun reading these! And all these tweets are so right. I am impressed, I haven’t even realized it till now!

  16. These funny tweets really made my day haha! Thank you for spreading joy. I will let my wife read this.

  17. Hahaha, I was laughing out loud at these! They are so true! I can’t wait to share them with my husband!

  18. Exactly what I needed, a good laugh! Having been stuck at home with my hubby in the last year sure has its challenges albeit nice to have him home at the same time. These tweet are so true and funny! Saving them so I can send them to him whenever the same situation occurs. Laundry one going out now!

  19. These are all hilarious. And relatable. The bed one is true for sure–it’s why we had to get a King!

  20. You’ve got some good ones there. The plain sight one is typical of my husband. I don’t get why he can’t find things under his nose, it isn’t that big lol.

  21. Very cute and I have been there on both sides of the disagreements. Marriage is hard but when you are with the right person like I am it is sweeter.