This post may contain affiliate links. Read the full disclosure here.
Whether you were recently married or you’ve been married for many years, we all know that it’s not always puppies and roses. We all have those days where we just need a laugh to get us through the day. I found the best tweets about marriage to make you smile and maybe even spark up a conversation between you and your spouse.
If you love it and can relate to it, share it with a friend!
Married Sexting: I’m not wearing any underwear… because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times. @cjohnsonking5
Sorry. I was late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband. @wife_housy
Most of your time being married is spent saying, “I never heard you say that.” @sarcasticmommy4
When my wife asks me to do the one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she’s talking about vacuuming. @simoncholland
Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I’ve learned that I don’t need to use so many paper towels, and they’re expensive. @pjtlynch
When I awoke from the car accident in a full-body cast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful. @kentwgraham
Marriage is just texting each other “Do we need anything from the grocery store?” a bunch of times until one of you dies. @danielrcarrillo
Before I got married I didn’t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge. @iwearaonesie
Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn’t want to share. @valeegrrl
Stages of a relationship: I like you. I love you. WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO LOUD? @mommajessiec
Dating: Can’t wait to see you again. Marriage: Part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night. @thecatwhisprer
I have a cold and it’s pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently that’s way worse. @simoncholland
In 34 years on this planet, I’ve learned one very important lesson that I’m going to pass on to you fellas. She can eat your fries. You can not eat her fries. @crockettforreal
My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it’s called “Why are you doing it that way?” and there are no winners. @ericspiegelman
Marriage, because you need to know you were folding a bag of chips wrong your entire life. @social_mime
Which one of these tweets about marriage is your favorite? Looking for more laughs? Don’t forget to check out our funny quotes about love. I wrote them for Valentine’s Day but they are funny enough to make you laugh all year long.
PIN IT
popular posts
04/28/2020 • Copycat
Starbucks Pink Drink Copycat Recipe
106 Comments
07/07/2021 • Drinks
Starbucks Iced White Chocolate Mocha Copycat Recipe
45 Comments
08/27/2019 • Recipes
How to Make Homemade Creamer in 10 Flavors
76 Comments
02/22/2019 • Drinks
The Yummiest Non-Alcoholic Margarita Ever
105 Comments
03/15/2021 • Air Fryer
Air Fryer Artichoke Hearts with Garlic Aioli
45 Comments
These are some really funny quotes! I’d share this with my friends
My husband and I had a good laugh reading these lol
Pingback: More Funny Tweets About Marriage - The Super Mom Life
Reading this makes me think if I will be posting this too. Haha! Can’t relate yet but who knows, sooner or later I am posting this too. Haha
These are really some funny tweets you have here! I can relate to my husband cant find stuff that lies right in front of him!
Haha, your post makes my day less boring. I’m gonna show this to my wife. Thanks for the post!
These not only funny tweets but also close to reality too. Marriage is not always walking through roses.
Marriage is definitely an adventure. These are funny and capture a lot of those crazy moments.
These funny tweets made me laugh so hard! I am so glad to have bumped into this post. I needed it!
Oh my goodness…. I truly enjoyed so many of these witty tweets 🙂 I can say that I totally relate to several of them LOL
I just needed this compilation! It was so funny! I read all of it. I even shared to my group. Hahahaha!
These are all great, after 30 plus years of marriage, I think my husband and I can relate to all of them.
People on Twitter are so funny! Thank you for rounding up some funny marriage tweets. Definitely had a good laugh 😆
These are great!!! I’ll be sharing some of these with my married friends!
These are all so hilarious! The “I never heard you say that.” is spot on for anyone who has been married for any amount of time.
These are hilarious, and definitely mostly relatable! I loved reading through them, haha
I could see the kit kat one happening in our house. I prefer to sneak it. I don’t know why. Candy tastes better that way.
I can relate to so many of these. The last one is definitely my husband!!! He can be so annoying.
I have been married 30 years and can attest to the accuracy of many of these tweets.
Been married for nearly 15 years now, so this did make me laugh. Thank you for sharing this
Too funny! And we definitely can relate to some of these. I will have to share this with the hubs.
I have to say I laughed so much with a few of them. Like, tears in my eyes laughing.
These are so hilarious. I’m hysterically laughing at some of these. Will share with my husband lol
These are all so true and relatable! Thanks for the laugh 🙂
Those are all hilarious tweets and loved reading them. Thanks for sharing this and had a good laugh.
I love this collection! These are seriously some of the funniest tweets I’ve seen in a while.
Haha married couples would definitely laugh upon reading these jokes. I could relate to some of it.
Haha these are so funny haha. I’m gonna share this with my married friends.
Hihi….Daniel R. Carillo’s message about marriage really did it for me! Thank you for sharing.
OMG! I had a lot of fun reading these! And all these tweets are so right. I am impressed, I haven’t even realized it till now!
These funny tweets really made my day haha! Thank you for spreading joy. I will let my wife read this.
I’m not married but these are still pretty funny!
I think they are so true. I could not stop laughing!
These are hilarious! I’ve been married for 32 years and can totally relate to lots of these!
These are all so funny. I love them! I’m so glad you shared them. I had a good laugh.
Hahaha, I was laughing out loud at these! They are so true! I can’t wait to share them with my husband!
These tweets are so true. Omg, I can’t stop laughing.
Exactly what I needed, a good laugh! Having been stuck at home with my hubby in the last year sure has its challenges albeit nice to have him home at the same time. These tweet are so true and funny! Saving them so I can send them to him whenever the same situation occurs. Laundry one going out now!
OMG, these are so funny. They’re the best thing I’ve seen all week. The. Best!
Was I tweeting in my sleep? Because every one of these is my life. Every. Single. One.
The Kitkat one was awesome. These tweets are so true and funny
Lots of funny stuff here! And we can all relate to some or all of them
These are all hilarious. And relatable. The bed one is true for sure–it’s why we had to get a King!
You’ve got some good ones there. The plain sight one is typical of my husband. I don’t get why he can’t find things under his nose, it isn’t that big lol.
Very cute and I have been there on both sides of the disagreements. Marriage is hard but when you are with the right person like I am it is sweeter.
These are all so true! I needed this laugh today.
DEFINITELY sending a few of these to my husband latet today! hahaahahah!
These are hilarious! Just what I needed this morning to start the week.