Funniest Tweets About Marriage

funniest tweets about marriage
Author: Heather
Category: Laughs
Published Date: 02/22/2021
Comments: 48

Share with a friend!

This post may contain affiliate links. If you purchase a product using one of our affiliate links we will receive a small commission from your purchase which helps us to provide this website as a service to you for free. We appreciate your support!

Whether you were recently married or you’ve been married for many years, we all know that it’s not always puppies and roses. We all have those days where we just need a laugh to get us through the day. I found the best tweets about marriage to make you smile and maybe even spark up a conversation between you and your spouse.

If you love it and can relate to it, share it with a friend! 

Married Sexting: I'm not wearing any underwear... because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times.

Married Sexting: I’m not wearing any underwear… because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times. @cjohnsonking5

Sorry. I was late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband.

Sorry. I was late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband. @wife_housy

Most of your time being married is spent saying, "I never heard you say that."

Most of your time being married is spent saying, “I never heard you say that.” @sarcasticmommy4

When my wife asks me to do the one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she's talking about vacuuming.

When my wife asks me to do the one thing in the bedroom that she really likes, she’s talking about vacuuming. @simoncholland

Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I've learned that I don't need to use so many paper towels, and they're expensive.

Marriage teaches you a lot about yourself. For instance, I’ve learned that I don’t need to use so many paper towels, and they’re expensive. @pjtlynch

When I awoke from the car accident in a full-body cast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.

When I awoke from the car accident in a full-body cast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful. @kentwgraham

Marriage is just texting each other "Do we need anything from the grocery store?" a bunch of times until one of you dies.

Marriage is just texting each other “Do we need anything from the grocery store?” a bunch of times until one of you dies. @danielrcarrillo

Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge.

Before I got married I didn’t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge. @iwearaonesie

Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't want to share.

Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn’t want to share. @valeegrrl

Stages of a relationship: I like you. I love you. WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO LOUD?

Stages of a relationship: I like you. I love you. WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO LOUD? @mommajessiec

Dating: Can't wait to see you again. Marriage: Part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night.

Dating: Can’t wait to see you again. Marriage: Part of your knee was on my side of the bed again last night. @thecatwhisprer

I have a cold and it's pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently that's way worse.

I have a cold and it’s pretty bad but my wife has a husband with a cold and apparently that’s way worse. @simoncholland

In 34 years on this planet, I've learned one very important lesson that I'm going to pass on to you fellas. She can eat your fries. You can not eat her fries.

In 34 years on this planet, I’ve learned one very important lesson that I’m going to pass on to you fellas. She can eat your fries. You can not eat her fries. @crockettforreal

My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it's called "Why are you doing it that way?" and there are no winners.

My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it’s called “Why are you doing it that way?” and there are no winners. @ericspiegelman

Marriage, because you need to know you were folding a bag of chips wrong your entire life.

Marriage, because you need to know you were folding a bag of chips wrong your entire life. @social_mime

Which one of these tweets about marriage is your favorite? Looking for more laughs? Don’t forget to check out our funny quotes about love. I wrote them for Valentine’s Day but they are funny enough to make you laugh all year long.

PIN IT

Whether you were recently married or you've been married for many years, we can all use a relatable laugh. These are the funniest tweets about marriage.
Whether you were recently married or you've been married for many years, we can all use a relatable laugh. These are the funniest tweets about marriage.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share with a friend!

Image

Hello There!

Hi! I’m Heather, Mom of 3, professional snack opener, the only person who knows where everything is in my house and part-time magician (I can turn a bunch of candy into a gift basket and everyone thinks it’s amazing). I share a mix of parenting moments, easy recipes, crafts, and DIY home decor projects.

Around here, we love turning ordinary stuff into extraordinary gifts, from candy box baskets and birthday punch boards to homemade advent calendars and other crafty chaos that somehow always works out.

Welcome to The Super Mom Life — where the projects are fun, the coffee is strong, and the laughter is pretty much required for survival. Don't forget to follow us on social media!

Leave a Reply

  • Hahaha, I was laughing out loud at these! They are so true! I can’t wait to share them with my husband!

    Reply

  • Exactly what I needed, a good laugh! Having been stuck at home with my hubby in the last year sure has its challenges albeit nice to have him home at the same time. These tweet are so true and funny! Saving them so I can send them to him whenever the same situation occurs. Laundry one going out now!

    Reply