20 Funny Parenting Quotes to Make You Laugh

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Parenting is tough. While we get to watch these beautiful human beings grow up, we also have to deal with a lack of sleep and answering 42343092 questions a day, about things we don’t even know the answer too. So whether you’re a Mom or a Dad, whether your kids are babies or grown, we can all use a laugh. I scoured the internet and social media for some things to make you smile. Here are my top 20 funny parenting quotes. Make sure to share them with a friend!

If you’ve never said “You need to back up a little so I can wipe myself,” do you even have kids?
via @themotheroctopus

Some days I have it totally together and others I find toast I made 3 days ago still sitting in the toaster oven.
via @whineandcheezits

As a parent, my hobbies include repeating myself, rage waiting, and repeating myself.
via @realtoughdad

Not all who wander are lost. Some are Moms, in Target, filling their carts with a bunch of things they didn’t even need.

I was so cute when I thought I was tired back before I had kids. So cute.

Me: Could you please stop asking me the same question over and over?!
Also Me: Do you have to go to the bathroom? Did you go to the bathroom? Did you use the bathroom yet? Are you using the bathroom?
via @stonecolddaddy

“We don’t wear what we slept in out in public.” -Me, lying to my child.
via @askatewouldhaveit

How to Make Iced Coffee: Have kids, make coffee, forget you made coffee. Voila! Iced coffee.

Hi, my daughter will be late to school because she can zip her jacket by herself.
via @ksujulie

You know you’ve grown a lot as a parent when you watch your kid lick something in public and think, “Eh. He’s licked worse.”
via @perfectpending

Sleeping with a toddler is like sharing a bed with a drunk octopus who is looking for his car keys.

Kids: talking through the best part of the song since the dawn of time.
via @mommyforreal

Mom, I have a paper cut. Cool. You were 9 pounds at birth.
via @mommywinetime

Parenting is yelling, “You just had a snack!” over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.
via @loud_momma

You can kegel it up until the cows come home if you want, you’re still going to pee when you sneeze, Brenda.
via @whineandcheezits

Me: Always be honest. Also Me: If anyone at the zoo asks, you’re 2 years old, ok?
via @difficultmommy

We don’t eat things we find in the couch,”.. is, apparently, something I say now.
via @ramblinma

Ok, kids, listen carefully because I’m only going to say this 175,276 more times.
via @mommyowl

How to stay on top of the laundry when you have 2 or more kids: 1. You can’t 2. Find a new dream
via @macgyveringmom22

I just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
via Conan O’Brien

Which of these funny parenting quotes are your favorite? And which one can you relate to the most? Comment below and let us know! Don’t forget to check out our 20 funny quotes about love.

 

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